Sick of it.

I’m sitting here listening to Pandora, procrastinating on cleaning my house, which I really need to do as my landlord is showing our house to potential new tenants tomorrow. But I am sick of cleaning. So instead I’m eating freshly made almond butter straight from the container. I’m classy.

I just got back from a classic night of line dancing, which day in and day out teaches me that I truly have the soul of a 70-year-old. I like ugly sweaters, comfy pants and shoes, and love saying “Well, bless your heart.”

I really, truly do not care that the greatest joy of my life at the moment comes from senior citizens. I cannot remember being as happy as I am now, ever. I was thinking on the ride home how annoyed I am that some people around here just can’t understand that I am perfectly happy exactly the way I am.

One of my student workers got engaged over the weekend, and I am absolutely elated for her. I actually jumped for joy when she told me. Let’s face it, I’m a hopeless romantic. What does annoy me, however, is the implication in a lot of conservative Christian circles, it’s popular to get engaged and married at a young age. Actually, I take that back- it’s not just Christian circles. It’s much of general Western culture. I think back to my previous relationships, and all I can think of is that I never felt 100% genuinely myself or genuinely whole while in any of those relationships. Perhaps it is just because I haven’t found the elusive “ONE” yet, or maybe it’s just because maybe I’m not ever going to be married. I can say deep down that most of me is just fine without being married. I’ve realized in the past few months that I have problems with authority anyway, and would be much more content on my own. I enjoy doing exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it. Plenty of single people have done great things in this world. Mother Teresa, Gandhi, um, this one guy called Jesus…?

If I had my druthers, of course, I would marry Donald Miller in a heartbeat. He’s probably the only exception I can think of at the moment. I don’t even care that he’s 14 years older than me.

I have no problem with people that are in relationships. In fact, I quite like them. I love seeing my friends find someone that makes them feel so content they can’t speak in coherent sentences about them. I’ve been to so many weddings in the past few years that I firmly believe marriage is a beautiful thing. I believe that humans were created to exist in multiple kinds of relationships (romantic and otherwise, and I think that having a partner for life is a really cool thing. I guess I just wish that being single wasn’t looked down upon as such a problem in certain circles. I quite like it, in fact. I don’t think that to be effective in this world or to be happy requires a significant other, and I only wish that it could be seen as a valid option. Am I alone in this?

When Skype typing with a Denver friend the other day, she told me this:

Holly, I love that you are so fierce and independent and fiery
I don’t know enough women like that
…or they’re all dating
I don’t really know that I live up to that all the time, but I don’t want to be anything else. If I ever find someone that makes me feel fierce, independent and fiery… I’ll reconsider. But until then, I’m gonna be a one-woman show.

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Alyssa Boob on March 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    I’ve never had a serious relationship, so I don’t know how that feels, but I’m coming to terms with my perpetual singledom. Even if Josh Groban showed up at my doorstep tomorrow and asked me on a date, I don’t even think I say yes because I just really don’t have a desire to date. Even if I lost the weight and even if I suddenly was more outgoing and comfortable with people, I don’t think I’d want to date. Sure I want a relationship, but dating someone seems so awkward to me.


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